War on Christmas

Had some nice presents earlier today. Engaged in a short phone call with my bro, no phone call with my Sis, but had some nice exchanges of Christmas texts with lots of friends and of course a nice dinner. We indulged in Champagne for breakfast courtesy of a guest, freshly ground coffee for eleven's courtesy of our eldest.

So all in all it was not a bad Christmas 2011.

Now with that in mind; what's all that fuss going on in the States and the declared "War on Christmas?" It wasn't that bad this side of The Pond, so why all the fuss over there?

The sound of Carols in the background courtesy of the Chapel of King’s College, Cambridge, an excellent Queen's speech (probably one of the best ever) and a grand buffet to top off the day. I don’t know about you, but we tend to leave our Christmas pudding and Brandy Sauce until late evening. Well you would do the same if you sat down to one of wifey’s Christmas Dinners. I only go for one sitting, but there is one or two in the family who will load their plate again. Enough is as good as a feast for me, and wifey’s Christmas dinner is a feast!

Now please, please, please, don’t spoil our Christmas by declaring war on anything. Listen in good people, War ain’t good, and War on Christmas is downright bad. I mean do you want me to declare War on Thanksgiving? No, of course you don’t. So hands off me sausages wrapped in bacon and keep your hands away from my twinkling little star. I don’t see the tree as a Christian symbol. Nope, I see it as a nicely decorated glittery thing. Jolly nice when done properly. The Nativity is part of Christmas, attending a service or two is also part of Christmas, the birth of Jesus is also part of Christmas. But these “War on Christmas” people have to understand that Christmas isn’t just about the Christian faith. No, it’s mainly about the family. Christmas is the main chance of the year for people to put their differences behind them and instead move together for the greater good.

So come on people, watch the Queen’s speech, listen to the commentary about the importance of family and forget about fighting Christmas. Another mince pie anyone?

African Figures

Now don’t get me wrong as Hornby do a great job, but why on earth do they produce Circus wagons, Big Tops, Helter-skelter’s and the like when there are no 00 scale circus figures? I know that we can go out and pay a fortune for the Continental pre-painted small packet branded ones; but that sort of defeats the object i.e. fun figures for fun time.

Having suffered a few mental health episodes, I recognise the therapeutic benefits of doing a bit of art now and again. So to ensure that Mr Tister could have his fun-time, and I had my therapy, I went off in search of Airfix Circus or Zoo sets. The idea being that Airfix 1:72 is as near as needed to 00 scale. A Circus set would be the perfect solution, but failing that then the animals of a zoo box would assist with the Circus theme. Little did I know when I set off on this adventure that Airfix no longer made a zoo set and the closest thing A.K.A. a Tarzan set was also out of production. Now I can see a gap in the market forming here. If you make colourful trains, lorries, tents and the like, then how about a few people and animals to populate imaginary Circus land?

I also found that the few remaining Airfix zoo and Tarzan boxes were pretty costly items, indeed so much so, that some fools were buying the empty boxes! Not to beaten by these set-backs, or should I say, absent sets? I managed to track Down the Hat 1:72nd scale Jungle Adventure for a few reasonable pennies. I haven’t used every moulding contained in set No.7018 as I had no call for an African boat, or numerous warriors. But what I did have a call for was a ‘Tarzan’ who is now the ‘Circus Strongman’ and an African grouping complete with drum and traditional attire, a Circus Elephant, and numerous other animals suitable to the Hornby Circus theme for Mr Tister to enjoy.

After the figures were carefully removed from their sprues, they were washed in water and detergent and then rinsed and allowed to dry overnight. This removes the chemicals that adhere to the plastic during the factory moulding process. The figures were then carefully trimmed with a modelling knife and filed where needed with emery paper. Humbrol primer was applied by brush and the figures were left overnight. Do not use Halfords grey plastic primer on Airfix or Hat 1:72nd scale figures as the flexibility of the figures will cause the paint to crack. When dry the figures were painted with Games Workshop and Tamiya brushed acrylics. The finished paint job was allowed to dry for two days and then coated with quick drying varnish after which they were left for three days before Circus play.

Merry Christmas everyone

False Marketing

It seems that some food providers have pushed the false marketing boundaries to such an extent that their ploy’s may backfire.

I sat down to try and enjoy a ‘Thai Green Chicken Curry’ ready meal yesterday evening and was perplexed as to why the food container was such a strange shape. It then dawned on me that the large diameter at the top of the packaging made the meal more appealing in layout and proportions than it actually was.

Now this seems a big mistake to me. Yes you get my money once, but will I and others return to your product if we think that we have been hoodwinked? I mean, it’s only a ‘Thai Green Chicken Curry’ but you have to ask why the base of the container needed those four protruding bits to support the unbalanced whole. The truth is that the four bits are needed because otherwise the thing falls over. Now that seems like a whole lot of engineering and smoke and mirrors for very little profit, and a loss of goodwill.

The same situation applies with the coffee shoppy and that piece of card that lifts up the sandwich to make it bigger than it is. Why on earth would a retailer use ‘smoke n mirrors’ to hoodwink loyal customers who already pay a premium for what is after all a self service operation? Why would anyone want to squeeze more out of those who already give enough? Maybe it's about time that you started to think about how your false marketing affects your business as a whole. You may sell your ready meal, but you may lose £80 worth of fuel sales when I go elsewhere. Oh, and that's £80 time and time again.

I bought one ready meal and one sandwich, but I won’t buy twice. Worse for them is that I may also avoid other products or even take my custom elsewhere. Brand identity is important, but brand loyalty can have serious repercussions for a provider if that loyalty is lost.

Now there’s an idea; truth in marketing – sell something as it is:

“roll up, roll up. Try our succulent piggy strips that have been cut just right and lightly fried before being caringly placed at the front of our fine textured dual dough mixture. Then warmed inside our temperature controlled electric personal user griddle, after being lovingly cared for in our premium pack care and presentation range that includes value added extra lifting card for premium display and customer encouragement”...

...“Yes please mate, I’ll have a toasted bacon sandwich”.

Snow

Snow

This mysterious stuff called snow,
Messy flake stuff you know.
That eyes light up when they see,
The stuff setting up to knee.

It only has to twinkle down,
And broad smiles displace a frown.
But what I really don’t get,
Is calling it snow when it’s just wet.

For me this stuff called snow,
That messy flaky stuff I know.
Is cold compact and white,
Making the landscape Christmas bright.

What it isn’t you know,
Is hailstone rain feigning snow.
No, my mysterious crystal stuff,
Is bright clean white and full of fluff.

Roger Bennett
16 Dec 2011

“The right of Roger Bennett to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. No part of this work may be reproduced or stored in any form whatsoever without the express written permission of the author."

Letters

Just bashed another letter off to a national newspaper.

Am I the only person worried about mans search for the 'God Particle'. Given that the Mayan Calendar may or may not abruptly end on the 21 December 2012 is it really a good time to be messing about with Hadron Colliders in CERN?

It sort of like; makes me a bit nervous.

Goodwill to others

In this season of goodwill to others, one of many worthy causes can be found at http://www.davidrathband.co.uk/brainport.html This worthy cause is about a police officer who was blinded when shot on duty. Police Constable (PC) David Rathband was targeted by a coward brandishing a shot gun, who shot the unarmed officer at point blank range while the officer was sat in his patrol car. PC Rathband was out there defending his community and taking risks to protect their safety.

With Christmas fast approaching any chance to restore his eyesight in any way is a Christmas Present worthy of contributing towards. So click on the link if it works, or if the link doesn't work then simply cut and paste the web address into your browser. When you get to the page about PC Rathband and the new science that might help him; maybe you can think about making a small donation. If you don't like making electronic payments, then still check out the webpage as there is a postal address to which contributions can be sent.

The games that people play

Now don’t get me wrong; we all make mistakes when driving, but the trick is to learn about what happened and adjust your future driving accordingly. So please don’t think that I am the perfect driver, because I’m probably not. Careful yes, learning all the time yes, making occasional mistakes, of course. But what wifey and I have noticed a lot of late, is the games that people play.

I mean, you are driving your car forward, so please look at the road ahead and don’t pay undue attention to those behind you. they probably know what they are doing, they know how their car handles, and they probably understand anticipation, space and a safe pass. The driver behind doesn't need you to stare at that small bit of glass and in doing so hit the embankment or drift out over the broken white line. But alas that is what they do in their desire to try and stop others making that clean pass.

On Monday on a long drive back from a funeral we saw one car drift into the verge and another car deliberately cross the broken white line to stop an overtaking manoeuvre. Like, hey folks, why would you do that? What difference does it make to you if another car safely drifts on by and moves ahead of you? It’s not like they are speeding or making a dangerous manoeuvre. I stay within the limits of road design, speed enforcement, and personal ability. So just calm down and relax, it doesn’t matter if the car behind you stays there or drifts on by. Honest, it really doesn’t matter so cast off your hang-ups. Their progress does not affect you, but you can and do affect yourself.

This weekend we trundled down to Cardiff. We popped off left at the Carmarthen roundabout and the car in front immediately jumped from the left hand lane into the right hand lane. “What was that all about?” says wifey and we both giggled. I mean, fend me off why don’t you, but 1,000 yards before the next roundabout, are you serious? Time and time again we see it. Drive slow, opportunity for me to glide past and the driver in front speeds up and crosses the centre of the road. Like, uh huh, it’s not a game. This is the real deal folks and if you drive like a prat in your desire to stop others then someone will get hurt. Probably you because you simply are not concentrating, hence going up onto the verge or out into the oncoming lane.

Indeed, wifey and I think that the driving standards these days are quite diabolical. For instance you could never imagine the speed that oncoming vehicles take a blind junction from where we emerge very weekday morning. Each and every one of these drivers simply has no idea whatsoever what is outside of their line of sight. It could be a child or walker in the road, someone on a bike who has stopped or fallen off or a broken down car. But day in and day out; they take the shallow junction at speed and with complete gay abandon as to their fate.

So the next time you are out driving and you start to take an unhealthy interest in the car behind, stop and think. Does it really matter what he or she is doing? Does it matter if they glide past when it is safe to do so? No stop thinking about the person behind, and start wondering if I should slow down before I take that left up ahead. Mirrors are for reversing and manoeuvring and otherwise only tell you where you have been. What matters far more, is where you are going.

The Flight of the Intruder

We know my position regarding an intruder in a home from my previous Blog entries. It’s not the protection of the property that matters; but the fear that unwelcome intrusion brings. The majority of people can only imagine how they would feel when faced with an unwelcome intrusion that has breached security. When someone is somewhere where they shouldn’t be, then it’s a case of vulnerability and the fear that goes with being vulnerable.

We also know that I have a position regarding the possibility of the existence of what we term ‘ghosts’. Long term readers of the Blog will recall my experience in Africa when I stayed for a short while near Accra. I mentioned in a Blog entry at that time that I am a realist, and can accept that I may have inadvertently eaten something that was hallucinogenic, or maybe I had been unwell and was delirious. That doesn’t mean that I believe that Ghosts don’t exist, but rather that I am wise enough to understand that for every occurrence there may be one or several valid reasons, and that these reasons are not the validation that we tend to cling too when something occurs that is a bit different than the norm.

We also know that I have a position regarding superstition. So when we arrived at the nice cosy and warm hotel and the nice man said “Room 13 is ok, isn’t it?” we agreed to being assigned that room without hesitation. Things as you know tend to go in three’s so it came as no surprise half an hour later when we were sat in seat 13 on the train for a short hop between Newport and Cardiff. The room was intact when we left, and thankfully the train did not derail. I was even more grateful that the seat numbered 13 did not spontaneously combust or otherwise bring out our doom.

All in all it was a great night out and a lovely opportunity to dine with our eldest. I didn’t clock the seat number of the return journey, and nor did I count the number of steps from the Railway Station back to the hotel. I mean, yes, things do go in three, but why chance your luck by adding to the systems and knowledge? I am a nervous sleeper, and given my position on intrusion, that should come as no surprise to the reader. I always drop the dead bolt, and where available also close the door chain. The other thing that you may not know about me is that I used to be a firefighter and I used to work nights. Now seconds before the alarm sounds the lights go on, and I would be awake before the alarm sounded. This as well as my mental health is probably why I am such a light sleeper. I also know that sh*t tends to happen around 4 a.m. when people are asleep. It’s sort of a witching hour of doom and despair. Rubbish if you wake up, but far worse if you are slowly suffocating because you haven’t checked your smoke detector recently. I suppose that it's also a great time to do some breaking and entering.

So why do I tell you the time and the combinations of the number 13? Well, because at 0404 precisely an intruder opened the deadbolt on our hotel room and entered. Bad luck for them because I’m no Mr Sleepyhead and within an instant I was bolt upright and knew that someone had entered the room. Wifey asked me if there was a ghost. Not a surprising observation given that she was half asleep and had also felt a presence, and knew like I, that I had secured the deadbolt before retiring to bed. I was dressed before you could say ‘Crackerjack’, checked the bathroom, my wallet and wifey’s purse and the off to reception.

The conversation went thus “Do you have CCTV?” to which came the reply, “Yes”. My next move was to define the location, “do you have CCTV in the corridors?” to which I was told no, there was only CCTV outside. To which I explained that we needed to call the Police as someone had entered our room even though I had closed the deadlock. “It was me”, came the reply. Now folks get your head around this, its just gone 4 a.m. and how many people would be at reception at 4 a.m. in the morning asking about CCTV. So why did the conversation go around the houses? Did she think that I was an unhappy customer, who was board with the range of television channels and in this gloomiest of hours, needed some CCTV footage to satisfy my small screen yearning?

It appears from my dialogue with the manager many, many hours later when I was in a state of exhaustion prior to my drive back across Wales; that this crazy company check on all empty rooms from 0100 hours to ensure that they are ready for the next customer. And that the Intruder was going about her company directed business. Well here’s a message from me, you can stick your company up your backside, as I have never ever been as terrified as I was the night that the intruder opened my deadlock and entered my room.

If I lived in the United States of America I would sue your Arse for several Million.

You need to change your procedures, and you need to ensure that people booked into room 13 are checked in correctly. You could also do with fitting a door chain in every room because I ain’t coming back in a hurry, even though the intruder scurried off as I woke up.